While at Scruffy's this past Saturday I had a revelation. Amongst a haze of smoke and red bull enduced mini-strokes, I realized drunk chicks don't enjoy my company. After coming home and pulling the trigger in Jake's yard (which I am still very much against, Edgar), I began to wonder why girls under the influence of alcohol seem so apalled by my presence.
sober girls like drunk-me...see?
When we were at Scruff's, Keene and I were standing at the bar talking to two girls who were obviously hammered. They seemed to think Keene was quite charming. I, on the other hand, could just as well have been the guy who killed their family dog. After I ordered up a round, I noticed one of them was looking a little ill. She had her head in her lap, and was rocking back and fourth. I felt concerned enough to ask her if she was alright. Instead of an audible response I've become familiar with over the years, all she could muster was a resounding middle finger right in my face. I was'nt trying to hit on her, I did'nt touch her, and I certainly had no sadistic motives in mind. So what's the damn deal? All I was trying to do was help her drunk ass avoid the embarrassing public vomit.
nice shiny shirt you pole-smoking skank
This is'nt the first time this has happened. Refer to "Shirtless Dub and the Wrongful Bitch-Slap." She was more than ready to slap the shit out of me. But when it came to light Wardlaw was the ass-grabber, she skipped her happy ass over there and gave him a Sonny's quality booty rub down. What the hell? I wear cool clothes, I watch "I Love the 80's," I own 3 seasons of "Curb Your Enthuiasm," my hygine is ok, my goatee is kickass. So why do drunk chicks hate me? I guess it's kind of like the same reason people don't like thunder. It won't do anything to you, unlike lightning, but it's pretty loud and will rattle your windows at night and wake you up. A trait I share.
I think from now on I'll just be a bastard. I will grab asses. I will hit on them. They can throw up in their hair all they like with their thong hanging out. And who will be there with a camera phone? Me bitch. ME!
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