The Infamous Blackout Story

I went out to a party last night. It was an OK time, it just made me feel real old. While I was standing by the keg, I was asked to tell this story to a group who hadn't heard it before. I thought to myself after I finished, and realized I hadn't posted this particular story yet. I will tell it from the point I woke up that Saturday morning at 2 o'clock p.m.

I woke up that morning with a particularly bad hangover. My room felt like a sauna, and I was automatically miserable. As I rolled over in an attempt to find my phone and see what time it was, I noticed I was naked. Upon further inspection, I found I was also dripping wet. Confused, but not very surprised, I find something to cover myself with and head to the bathroom to piss. I was gauging how dehydrated I was by looking at the color of my piss, when I noticed the bathtub was filled to the brim with a dirty looking water. I then realized I had no idea what had happened to me the night before and was going to have to do some detective work to find out.

I found my phone on the floor of the hallway. It was low on battery and had 7 new messages. I postponed listening to the messages until after I had a drink of water to combat the extreme cottonmouth I was presently dealing with. As I listened to the messages, I discovered they were all from the disgruntled residents of Gurley. Accusations flew in the messages. Things like, "You fucker, you left your puke shirt in the yard and there's puke all over the chair and Fretty sat in it," were a few of the choice phrases used. This was all news to me. I had no idea I had puked last night, although I couldn't ignore the fact that I couldn't find the shirt I had on last night.

Desperate for answers, I went outside to see if my truck was in the driveway. If it was not there, I would have a good answer to how I got home. The truck was there. I had driven myself home blacked-out. There were now three things clear. One, I had thrown-up in the big chair at Gurley. Two, I had shed my puke clothes on the way out and driven myself home. And three, once home, I had drawn a bath, sat in it, and puked again.

I then tried to piece together how I got so drunk in the first place. I thought back to every moment the previous day I could remember. I came up with three phases of my drunkenness
that explained how I got that torn up and ended up in this situation.

1) Grilling out at Gurley:

Fretty had just purchased a nice grill and had put it in the Gurley cabana. We all went the H-E-B to buy beer and meat to cook. I picked up a steak and a case (20) of bottled Coors Light. We went back to Gurley and commenced to drink, smoke, and eat. The cookout soon turned into a party and the beers were going quicker and quicker.

2) Gurley Party:

I had torn through about fifteen bottled Coors lights and was feeling pretty damn good. The party was in full swing and we were running low on cigarettes. About 1:20 a.m., Kurt decides he wants to make a trip up to Scruff's for last call. Me being out of beer sealed my place for that trip.

3) Scruff's:

We arrived at Scruff's about 1:30 a.m. and head to the bar to order our customary Ziegen Bocks. I heard somebody call my name from across the bar. I looked over and saw an old high school buddy of mine standing there looking as trashed as I was. We talked for about 2 seconds before he asked if I wanted a shot. I, of course, said "yes" and he ordered up 2 jager shots( if any of you wonder why I don't like Jager shots, this incident is why) We did a couple of toasts and threw back the Jager with authority. I felt my stomach start to turn and knew I would throw-up if I didn't handle this correctly. I took a step back from the bar, took a deep breath, and fought back the steak and veggie pack I'd consumed earlier in the evening. I had just finished fighting off the barf when High School Friend brings me over another Jager shot. Another Jager shot and a Ziegen bock were bought and drank before the bar closed and we had to leave.


The trip home was getting fuzzy and I was beginning to black out. When we arrived back at Gurley, I sat down in the big chair and passed out. This is where I begin my epic blackout adventure.

I felt terrible about puking all over the big chair. The only thing I could think to do to bury the hatchet was to bring them a peace offering. I went Bush's and bought a gallon of sweet tea and took it over there.

The chair is still in use today and there's a little bit of Shep that will always be there.