Emily's Coming of Age (A.K.A.- T.J. and the Fat Chick)

A few weekends back, my sister Emily turned 21. She turned 21 only in terms of legal drinking. She has been moonlighting as a 25 year old for many years, and has enjoyed barhopping in College Station since she began going to A&M.

The weekend after she turned 21, she and her friends rented out a bar on the outskirts of campus near Northgate. Her previous birthday had been spent with me and my group of morally casual friends in Waco. Beer and jagerbombs flowed, bunt cake and cupcakes consumed, cigarettes burned, and an impromptu square dance was held in the den. Emily had such a good time, and because were family, she invited me down to her 21st.

I woke up Saturday morning and felt like run over dog shit. This was the morning after I had broke my Big O chug record (as mentioned below), and had to pull the trigger the previous night. I made my usual Saturday pilgrimage to Mazzio's to eat hangover curing pizza and a big salad. Afterwards, I started making calls and trying to round up Lee and Matt. We shoved off around 2 and headed for College Station.

I'd say 70% of Aggies are shit asses, which is pretty good because 90% of Baylor I would like to put in a potato sack and smack up against a barn. This being said, I usually feel the need to prove myself not in the usual stereotype of hair gel and use of the phrase "what up, bra?"

I knew one way to do this was to challenge people to beer chuggin contests.

We arrived at Emily's apartment to meet her and her boyfriend T.J. loading beers in an ice chest. Minutes later we were waist deep in a game of drinking hockey and jamming out some good tunes. T.J. and I won the first two games, but Matt and Lee rallied back. Beginning to get drunk, it was time to put the series away. It came down to T.J. needing to play one card that Lee didn't have. T.J. threw down his choice, a King of diamonds, the entire table looked at Lee to see if he had the final King and the win. His head sank and I knew we had won the series. It sounds pretty dramatic, but in my inebriated state it was pretty damn dramatic.



















After a sound victory and Emily finishing her 3 hour preparation, we went to the Dixie Chicken (or "the Bird" as the Ags call it) to get some food and continue to drink. T.J. bought a load of beef jerky and a pitcher of beer. We sat down and waited for our order to come out. As we poured our beer, Lee told T.J. he should whip me in a chugging contest. T.J. shrugged and agreed to do it. I winked at him to let him know I was going to destroy him. I did. And several times afterwards. Our food arrived and we tore through it.


We left the Bird and headed for the Salty Dog to commence to party. By the time we got there, I was already blitzed. The rest of the night was fairly uneventful, except when T.J. was confronted by a fat chick. He had put the jerky he bought in his big pink jacket. He was dancing by himself when a big ol' gal came up behind him and started dancing behind him. He turned around to see this girl and immediately pulled out the jerky and waved it in her face. She stopped dancing and glared at him . Her slimmer sister saw and ran over there to bitch him out, we all got a good laugh out of it.