This is a pretty famous story. It takes place in my more vulnerable high school days, when I assumed girls liked my dick in their butt and other such things.
I had been dating this girl for a while. I was a big football stud, she was a cross-country runner and notable swimmer. It was similar to Tom Brady and Jenny Finch getting together and dry humping on the couch every Friday night, which is exactly what we did.
One particular Friday night after a good half hour of the "Camel Slide,*" I got the bold notion to put my penis where her shit comes out. I didn't want to just up and stick my dong in her ass, no questions asked. I also had to think of a way to ask in order not to totally freak her out. Like, "can I put my penis in your butt?" I had to handle this situation with care because she was kind of a prude, which is why I was camel sliding her in the first place.
So with the sweetest tone I could muster, I gently whispered in her ear, "why don't we put it where it doesn't count?" And by "doesn't count" I meant "so you don't get knocked up." Yes folks that is how Shep asks for buttsex.
Needless to say she was appalled, but not to the point of hysteria. She simply rolled over and ,with a scowl on her face, said "I don't THINK so." She then promptly rolled back over, got up, put her clothes back on, and went home. We never spoke of the incident again and I was left to be contempt with the camel slide and her shitty blowjobs.
I found out recently that she got married. I wonder if her husband has asked for buttsex yet? Maybe I should write him an e-mail warning him.
Nah, fuck that guy.
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