Kurt's Wedding

I'm finally getting around to writing this story, I was trying to remember all the funny stuff that happened so I wouldn't leave anything out.

I'll begin on Friday morning. Edgar and I had slept in Dallas at Trey, Fretty, and Burge's the night before. It was easier to drive up to Dallas a couple nights before, rather than leaving from Belton and enduring an extra two hours on the road. We met Justin in the parking lot and set off. The trip up to Missouri was pretty painful. We drove all the way through Oklahoma which had absolutely nothing to look at the entire time we were there. Just when I thought a state could not be more boring than the four hours we spent in Oklahoma, we arrived in Kansas. Kansas is a truly desolate place. It's a flat, yellow, plane occasionally scattered with small towns occupied by one gas station and a McDonald's. I was glad I had replaced my iPod before the trip, because I don't know what I would have done with myself for eight hours had I not brought some kick-ass tunes along.

We arrived in Overland Park not a minute too soon. Farrell had reserved a room for the four of us at the Garden Inn. The only problem was, Farrell took a plane like a puss and was not going to be at the hotel for a couple hours. My mind quickly went into espionage mode and decided the only course of action was to try and pass myself off as Big Steve Farrell. I stepped up to the front desk and told them I was Steven Farrell, and I was ready to check in. The guy I was talking to was some kind of Asian. I am not trying to be an ass, but I could not understand a word that guy said. He asked me some question that sounded like " ahru ah rewoo-da crub membah?" I asked him three times what he said and I finally looked at the woman he was working with and shrugged my shoulders. She asked, " are you a rewards club member?" I said no. I began thinking to myself, "why would a guy work in a services position who can't speak audible English, and thus not be able to perform said services?" It still befuddles me.

We checked into the room and killed a little time before it was time to get ready for the wedding. We met up with Beerman and Carrie to carpool to the ceremony. It was a little early and we still had some time before the wedding began, so we unanimously voted to go to a sports bar down from the church and grab a quick drink. Afterwards, we headed to the church.

The ceremony was in a very quaint little church in Kansas City. It was short and sweet which was nice, because it was a little warm in the sanctuary.

The reception was at a country club with a converted barn where the reception was held. It was a very nice location, plenty of room, A/C on high, a big dance floor, and all the other amenities you could ask for. I made a beeline for the booze, not because I am a hapless drunk who only goes to weddings for one reason, but I was dehydrated from the sauna that was the Kansas City First Baptist Church. I had drank a 'Boulevard Wheat' at the sports bar we went to before the wedding and had thought it was one of the best beers I had every had. I found, to my surprise, they had the same beer on tap and in bottles at the reception. It wasn't long before I was a little tipsy and taking multiple cigarette breaks to the patio. The food they served was off the charts. It was one of my favorite spreads, barbeque, homemade fried chicken, salad, potatoes, every good food you can imagine. It all sat very well with the Boulevard Wheat.

The night went on and I had been drinking beer at an astonishing rate. A crowd was gathering on the dance floor, and I decided to investigate. I could see Hederman from a distance really getting after it. He was bobbing and weaving, scooting and sliding, really putting on a show. I'm pretty sure everyone there was loving it, everyone except his wife. Anna tried on several occasions to walk off the floor and leave Will to his chicken dance. However, whenever she tried to leave, he'd dance his way toward her and cut her off from leaving. She'd come back and dance a little while longer and try to leave again and Hederman would set a boogie-screen. It was like seeing a good sheep dog at work.

The thing I probably liked seeing the most was that Kurt was actually drunk at his own wedding. You go to these weddings and get shitfaced, then you see the groom and he's stone cold sober. It kind of make me feel bed, but not bad enough to change my behavior. Kurt was having just as much fun as anybody else probably more, which is how it should be. I know I'll be the drunkest guy at my wedding... fact.

I had sat down at a table and was talking to Will Johnson and his wife Erica, when I was approached by Balla with a proposition. He said there was a guy there that wanted to race me in a beer chug competition. Balla said he was a linebacker for Kansas State and that he could and would probably beat me. I asked who he was and Balla pointed him out to me. I gave him the point and the "I've got my eyes on you" motion. I got a new beer and walked over to the guy who immediately asked if I had a Miller Lite or a wheat beer. I actually had a lite beer, and he said it wasn't fair and I should get a wheat beer like him. I agreed and got a wheat beer and Balla started the countdown. I felt it wasn't my best chug, but it was good enough to beat this guy. After we finished, he looked like a somebody just sucker-punched him. I gave him a tip of my imaginary hat and went on about my business.

They began to clear people out of the reception because it was getting late and the beer had run out. We stood in a line and wished Kurt and Jen farewell, then headed to the bar.

I was toasty by the time we arrived at Paddy O'Brian's. I went to the bar and ordered another Boulevard Wheat. I stood at the bar a little while and surveyed the layout. Trey had procured a table in the corner of the bar and I headed over there. Edgar was there and in a rare form. He was drunker than a twenty year old girl on spring break. He had found a spot next to Ruthie and was putting his moves on her. I was watching while telling Barry's girlfriend to watch the show as well. I explained to her the finer points of Edgar's approach, and how the lack of subtlety is a turn on for women. I watched as long as I could before Ruthie asked of she could change places with somebody. It was a pretty big bitch move. Anyway, the bar was about to close so we stood up and got ready to leave. Edgar was leaning up against the wall hocking loogies on the floor. A bouncer saw him and looked at me and gave me the "what the hell is going on?" look. I shot the same look back at him. and he stood up and told me we had to "get this guy (Edgar) outta here...now." We did and headed back to the hotel.

We woke up the next morning and spent about an hour looking for a Shell station so I could fill up my truck before heading home. It was an ordeal in itself. When we were heading back to the highway we finally saw it right by where we exited. The trip home was damn near unbearable and Justin had left a fucking pile of trash in my backseat, but all in all it was an enjoyable trip.